Should I tell?

When something bad happens, there can be that moment. That pause.
Should I tell?

This feeling of uncertainty is not unusual. This is something that is felt by children and by adults. Almost everybody worries about this.
Should I tell?

There are two main reasons why some people are reluctant to report bullying or bad behavior.

First, people worry that bad things will happen if they report bullying or other bad behavior. They worry that somebody will find out that they reported, resulting in negative things happening to them. If I report this, things will be worse. In reality, if someone retaliates (gets back at you) for reporting, that should be reported, too. Retaliation is unacceptable and is actionable (can result in discipline). If you report something and somebody (or their friends) retaliates, be sure you report that, too. I understand this worry about reporting. My advice is to be brave. Report.

The second reason that some people are reluctant to report is "nobody will do anything." I hear this sometimes and it makes me sad. Over break I watched the very difficult movie "Bully." Many of the kids featured would say "why report because nobody will do anything about it." It was gut wrenching to hear this. And I know some of you feel this way, too.

Here is the deal with "nobody will do anything."

When adults problem solve, they choose strategies. Typically, there are several potential strategies to resolve every problem. Sometimes, however, the first strategy doesn't work. Does this sound familiar? Does this sound like Student Success Skills class from 6th grade? Well, it should. If your strategy isn't working, try a new strategy. 

If an adult hears about a problem, 99.99% of the time, they will try a strategy. That strategy may be to talk to the person. Most of the time a talk is designed to teach. Our first instinct is always to teach. Oftentimes with that talk we also arrange extra surveillance in the problem area or we assign discipline. The tricky part with these strategies is that the reporting student doesn't know about them.  When you report and walk away, you may never see what happens. And when you don't see it, you assume "nobody did anything."

Let's recap. Bad thing. Report. Talk/teach. Done, right?

Well, sometimes not. Sometimes the strategy doesn't work. The bad thing happens again.

If you report and then the bad thing is repeated, you may think "well, they didn't do anything and that is why it is happening again."  Most of the time, that logic is wrong. If the bad thing happens again, it is likely that the strategy failed. 

When I work on things in the office, I send kids back out into the halls thinking "Wow, I'm good. I fixed it!" When it happens again a student is thinking "Wow. Why didn't Miss Nass do something to help me?"

If you are ever in the situation where you report something to an adult and then the same thing happens again, REPORT AGAIN. This will let the adult know to try a new strategy. If one strategy doesn't work, we will try another.

Let's recap. Bad thing. Report. Talk/teach. Bad thing. Next strategy. Done? Hopefully!

Sometimes kids need several strategies. Fact. Sometimes adults need to be told several times. Fact.

So the next time something bad happens and you pause and think "Should I tell?" I hope you choose YES! I hope you are brave and let the words fall out. Talk to adults. We've got strategies. Lots of them!